As the afternoon rainclouds swim across the window frame
My mind begins to dream them as people who floated through this life
Each one leaving impressions on the topography of my melancholic heart
Exploring the change of seasons in me
Oceans apart

Before the winter comes
As the summer starts

I cannot help but hate (me)
For not being able to understand
How strangers and saints look at sadness as a disease
They say, “It’s a demon of pride.”
With almost no sign of sagacity

I think of the old soul I met on suicide cliff
Who spoke about life
And all of its frivolity
He said, “Happiness is a deadly drug, son
It comes as quickly as it leaves
Lasts till you feed all your soul to the remedy
Like a lover with a greedy hollow
And not a drop of sincerity”

I keep trying to figure the shift
When righteousness became worth more than relation
And religion hogged the seat of spirituality
In this world of organized chaos
Compulsory crime is survival
And everyone is exactly what they are pretending to be

I hugged a witch on a mountain once
She told me the path to virtue
Was through honest open toxicity
The gesture sustained her crooked smile
I guess, she thought of all the yellow faces
In dead matter glass tiles
See, how they are pretending to be happy
But on the inside
Like me
They are all slowly dying
How we claim to be united in love
But in reality
We know we are lying

A mother tells her son
In the world of power
Good men only speak of love and peace
Redwater gloomy eyes
Watches the world outside
Where peace is just the final word
On a paper signed to justify
The blood flowing in our dying seas

We shield our image from the threats of this life
Aiming to slay our vulnerabilities
White lies
Pollinate the air
And the bitter truth
Suffocates in confidentiality

Here it is again
The risk of saying things
Which are better left unsaid
In a world full of surrogates
Community is first
The idea of humanity thrives
But empathy
Is forever dead

To wish for an end is to hope for a new beginning
What we once thought we could redeem
Has reached well beyond the borders of saving


Amit Howard